Theory: The Paid Professional

I ply those in my sphere of influence with many tried and proven true lessons that others would discount as merely opinion or 'theory''.  My husband came into practice early in our relationship.  Everyone knows there exist entities known as professionals, who share highly prized knowledge for a fee.  Most people speculate about the actual knowledge of said professional and that paying them is worth the money.  My first experience came with deciding I wanted to dye my hair, but oh no, no reason to pay anyone.  I had pink hair under store track lighting.  I marched myself to a beautician and suffered the consequences of a six dollar box of hair hell.  From then on, when attempting beautification methods requiring chemicals and a license... I paid.  Great thing to know.  Use every day.  My husband came into this when we met.  I schooled him in the art of not breaking his hair off, and he didn't listen a bit.  Then again, I had to promise he was not getting a mullet for his first haircut in fifteen years (or so)... the beautician looked at his hair and verbatim told him the secret to having luxurious locks.  He believed her .. and I never cease to give him a hard time.  So anyway, I am using the same practice and WOW results.

I have a 36 gallon saltwater reef tank.  Corals are so different from fish TV of college.  After letting the tank sit for two months while my foot healed.. I began to stress losing my whole tank over my inexperience.  After much thought, I looked up a great guy at Secret Reef who offered to set up my newly purchased equipment and maintain it at a minimal cost.  I love how easy the weight of worrying I wasted close to a thousand bucks just fell away.  The bonus I was not expecting was his assessment of my purchases, set up and tank.  I AM NOT STUPID.  I HAVE GOOD CRAP.  I could have kissed the man.

He set it all up, will be back in two weeks and I am flabbergasted at the fact how quickly my tank recovered.  He wasn't lying.  I probably will not lose any coral.  I have peace of mind my fish and corals will be taken care of on vacation.. and just someone else doing the heavy stuff once a month and I just get to enjoy the hobby.

For minimum money I would have wasted on dead fish and unnecessary purchases, I have it all.  In three days my corals are thriving.  Plans are in the works for more rock, corals and fish.  I sleep three feet from tranquility that is quiet.  And I picked this setup out before him.  His stamp of approval.. PLUS telling me gently I could have burned my tank down with the light fixture I chose.  I wanted to cry.  THANK you SECRET REEF for being honest.

The light comes in two days.  I am excited.

Now testing water seems easy because I have a resource to answer all questions, find me new stuff and just be there.

PAID PROFESSIONAL is a great life tool.  Just find the right one.  Life becomes more user friendly.

Verbal Baked Alaska: The Secret Ingredient

The secret ingredient that sets any conversation on fire... is...

I hate to do this, but...

that damned butt.

Lights it every time.

A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes

When you're fast asleep.  In dreams, you will lose your heartache, whatever you wish for will be... have faith in your dreams and someday you rainbow will come smiling though... no matter how your heart is feeling.. if you keep believing, the dreams that you wish will come true..

Cinderella sings that wistful melody and still at 39, I fervently cling to the message.  I need to hack up my own hairball.  There is no evil stepmother.  Judy the Pom can't just up and be Bruno.  That's bad. *sic*

I wish my mind and my body could agree that the world isn't big enough anymore.  It's a catch 22 for me.  I know all the things I need to do, all the things I have done and partially know my own potential.  It's all lost to me because I have put myself through the moral ringer because its all that stands between me and mediocrity.

I'll be damned if I let my failed family ties allow me to convince myself giving in to excess is acceptable.  How dare I think sacrificing my life makes it OK to contemplate actually taking it?  The razor's edge of sanity and late night prayers to silent God are paltry to stark daytime tears.

I watched over 30 shooting stars the other night.. by myself.
I gave each one away.

Luck isn't something you have, it's a gift you give.

My clovers tell me so.

I will get to an understanding with myself.  It sounds weird, but, I have hopes of knowing me.  Everyone else is suspect and not worth it ... so it seems.

So let me go polish myself up to be my own shining knight.. in Sephora armor.

Let My...

Love Open the Door...

I savor the moments when I am full to bursting with passionate emotion.  My usual light hearted follies and/or sob stories simply serve to brush out irritating worries before I unconsciously add them to my formidable arsenal.  Right now, I am happy to inform my minions to enjoy the respite.  Last night was incredible .. I still have not fully digested that I captured a smidgen of my World Peace.  Thirty Eight seconds I want the world to witness.  As a rule: I don't put video out that belongs to me, it seems almost too personal.  I can only relate this feeling to my post about my husband.  Both moments were incredibly intense and beautiful - and opposite in appeal to the masses .. the message I put forth must be shared.  I love my family.  Shamelessly, and in my own words and my own deeds and even now typing this, I wonder at myself.  This is not opinion, nor boast, or rattling the social cup for society beggar coins or popularity's gold stars (or +1s).  It boils down to my basest belief in family and for all my laughter and stories and whines, my depth of character springs from the love of John and Nat.  So many things change in this world, and have warped mine but my family, these two people, I begin and end with them.  Accepting this as truth for myself is a revelation of spirit.  But mine.  Not God, but I'm grateful.  Grateful in the knowledge of my own free will, even though supposedly, he already knew I'd feel this way.

This attachment is a brief moment where singing off-key and camera movement come together harmoniously and capture me and my child loving one another spontaneously.  I had to sit down last night and watch this video about twenty times and cry because the little girl in that video loves me.  ME.  I won't go into the boring 'Oh My Amazing Child' ditty, because that would be cliche.  What I will share is this:  When she says I'm the best Mom in the world, I quip back: Nope, I'm just your Mommy.  I am perfect for you.  What is poignant to reflect upon incredulously reveals itself to be personal growth.  I am moving forward embracing deeper truth about myself.  So much unconscious insecurity that I'd be hard pressed to embrace without deep embarrassment or guilt... I have NO WORDS to describe that moment.  I processed:   Yes, saying I'm not the best is diplomatic in teaching humanity's pitfalls to my daughter and to cushion my own shortcomings I ..crap.. I thought the world could see me selfishly adhering to...  The I am perfect for you portion seems now congruous with accepting the grand compliment and not slighting her love for me, for her feelings and crap, rubbing my own face in my insecurity.  How profound.  Enough words, because this whole story took but a moment to feel.  I am aglow.  Right from the moment I put those things down to see ... so .. another moment and more ..YES, I AM PERFECT AT SOMETHING.  Perfect for my daughter.  And this is good.  So the moment has passed.

Love is not blind unless the lights go out or someone shuts their eyes.  I am content to say I am capable of both feats.

So profoundly I must also jump to another thread of thought.  This is Russel Fork weekend.  My heart is lighter because for some reason, I didn't worry about John.  I didn't lie awake last night and ponder all that could go wrong.  The night crept by and my thoughts were bent on expressing how good it feels to rejoice in self proclaimed happiness.  I'm here writing because thanking God, the PIC and my family simply was not good enough. 

Today I am happy, and I didn't mentally tell myself I was.  Late last night I came to the conclusion that I have fears and worries, but for now things can continue as they are.  I am not accepting things, getting over a damned thing, nor have I merely settled.  I saw in 38  seconds how my life truly is and it is not static, my little claim on the world is dynamic and ever moving and dancing.. opening the doors.. slamming them.. only to realize they banged so hard they stood wide open.... and those who love me, saw an opportunity and came inside. 

The only part of this video that belongs to someone else happens to be Pete Townsend of the Who.

I Just Realized how Green I am: Recycled Memory: Feel it Again and Again

BEEP* BEEP*

I wish I could call a construction container company to haul away some garbage I seem to collect.  Call it what you will:  mental garbage is utterly recyclable.  How I hate to find I am rehashing events unintentionally without permits or guidance from the PIC.  How utterly sick to be guilty of a greener world, if only in my mind.

More to Come: All recyled material

Art Part II

My poster of Maroon Five is hanging in my laundry room by clothes pins so it does not get wrinkled.  Adam Levine and those hands are due in the basement to be added to my wall.  I told John the story of my daughter's opinion about the whole thing.  He laughed and joked when I told him nobody topped his appeal in my eyes.  He about cried when I also added:  Those hands covering him are awfully small...  (interpretation left to reader imagination... but think BIG)

GUFFAW

Manamanah 1976 / Plight of Monogamy

Just say Monogamous instead... and the frustration is palpable. 

Society verses marriage.  Two different languages.