For the Record

Having issues that just stare at me is difficult to face without wanting to blame somebody else for the long list of things that plague my seemingly easy life.

How hard is it to be me? I ask myself this frequently.  Then I answer myself like some guilty criminal:  Since when did what everyone else rule my life?

Humm.  We pause now for standard evacuation procedures..

Guess what people?  I've always cared about public opinion, because one person does not make me invaluable.  Everyone else does.  Chew on your pencil and dwell for a moment.. on my discovery.

Ten years ago I didn't worry so much about public opinion and status because I had the power job everyone gave me the two thumbs way up for letting myself jockey in the business world.

When did worries set in you ask?  The moment I achieved the American Dream.  The wife.  Stay at Home Mom.  Dinner at six.  Sexy at ten.  Bag up the day after the weather gods speak.

All the sudden:  I'm very lucky.  EVERYONE tells me.

When did a full dishwasher do anything but piss me off because a Raisin Bran bowl can't move two more feet?  If Congealed Bran were a symbol of love and romance....well..... damn...

I'd never get off my knees.
Wait! There's more!

Yes! I have discovered nothing in this world is really significant on anyone Else's radar unless there is a little ass involved.  Whether washing one, kicking one, worrying about the size of mine... activity ensues in the pursuit of self. 

OMG I definitely feel knit a sweater phase edging out because Spongebob is on all the time.

But seriously.  I love my job, and I love being at home doing it all because I must be that supermom with a Free Range chip on my shoulder.  Shall we even discuss how much that bummed me out as a human lactaid?

So after a good chuckle stop laughing.  Its not funny.  I am important and necessary to daily existence right?  Love me, lust me, need me tell me tell me.

BRB.

WHAT?!

IT's IN  THE  LEFT DRAWER BESIDE the little red THINGIE!! SEE IT?

*$%(*&$%* I'm COMING.

*snicker* I wish.

So where was I? 

Practicing my impression of Peg Bundy.

Pissed that I just hit the wall of smell.

Jockeying these days involves spending time on hold and threatening customer service people, committing heinous acts of debauchery over my new washer and dryer:  Sputnik and Apollo... They look that fab!

DID ANYONE REALIZE washers and dryers now come with a PLAY button?  WHAT?

I know aliens landed in my laundry room and abducted normalcy with one allergen Free, Static Reduced cycle.  How sitcom of me to also mention

DEVO is my vacuum cleaner, very retro in turquoise... who married lil' Betty (the mini-vac) and Baby D is EVRAWHAR.. floor sweeper...

Hey..

I have no idea what the point is now, as I am sleep deprived and telling my own 'corporate' secrets.

Oh.

Staying at home and being good at it is more challenging than my Power Job.  I just wish I could tell me that constantly and not raise my hackles when asked 'what do you do?'

What I haven't accomplished is a list that is getting smaller.  So I'm ready.

Let the field trip begin. And the insecurity of thinking I need to bring my car registration and a resume ..

*sigh*

http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/austin_400/499b_your-status-you-cant-buy-it.html

http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/austin_400/499b_your-status-you-cant-buy-it.html

So true.

Vacation and the Rediscovery of Toilet Paper Novels

I am luxuriating in the fact that I have several things close at hand that I must admit attachment to.  I am an Internet addict.  When your phone wont even dial out, there is an issue.

My fish tank made it.  (I think)

For those who like to unplug:

visit Edisto Island, SC.

bring lots of books or come sick.

Bring food.

And don't feed the alligator at your back door.

And know that snores bounce off vaulted ceilings.

Me List, You think Maybe... No Maybe some Other..

Some of my Rhyme and Reason

1. I have found that my parenting methods, when applied to adults, more often than not, leads to progress and/or solutions.
2.  Nelly is very smart.  Haters just CAN'T get past that.
3.  Pity is for people in other countries.
4.  My six year old has more personality than ... oh .. I forgot who it was I was referring to..
5.  I love my kid, but you can overdose on her.
6.  My favorite channel is OFF.
7.  I feel like the one always in charge of feeling ... unless there is booty involved .. and hello? 
8.  In profiles, where they ask what animal you would be, if you could be one, I always put weasel.  Everyone should put weasel.
9.  I call it like I see it, and there is no way she did NOT hear the paint can when she ran over it on my new asphalt...
10.  If my family suffers from deadly snake bites, I'm in trouble, as I threaten to hide them all over my home as no one looks for anything.  They just scream out my name and yadda yadda.
11.  I have a camel cricket mafia in the basement.  It competes with the wolf spiders and they have turf wars.  Extermination of all insects is covered by my marital contract.
12. If you suddenly feel curious, and that you have missed something in life... STOP... count to three.. and grow up... you were totally meant to miss it obviously.
13.  I love all things girlie and feel pretty girlie, but wonder what all the fuss is about when I fished the toad out of the pool.
14.  I cry.  Most of the time over things outside the realm of what people think I cry about.  This comes from age I believe.
15. I talk a bunch.  Not that it accomplishes much.. kinda like that whole one hand clapping riddle...
16.  Nope, I'm not sorry.  Really.
17.  I'm very lucky, and I know it, however, don't be a cliche parrot
18.  Yup, according to rumor a Harley, however, I think I like Rice Rockets because they have toe holds.
19.  Not on my watch.  I grew up with all the examples of what not to accept.
20.  Watch your tone, it says more than you know.
21.  I am all for personality, I find it more in public than in circles of people I know.
22.  I definitely do not judge unless I am qualified, and even then I have to be stumbling over harsh truth before I do so.
23.  I've been told I have too high of expectations. 
24,  Most people that preach 'get over it' or 'deal with it', or use those words after unloading on me ... I find to be douchebags.. as whatever malady I suffer from is forever eclipsed.. and I need to DEAL so we can get back to talking about ... douchebags.
25.  I'm pretty much late for everything because of all the minor deta ils.
26.  My Basement cave is not for you, its for me butthead, and just know that anyone hanging in it is breathing my air.
27.  I hate being told I was 'facebooked'.
28.  I totally love cartoons.
29.  My car's name is Betty.
30.  You know, people can't read minds so I tell them what I want, and that shocks most of them.
31.  what used to shock me is even knowing, like they care... crap, they might have to do something.

YES.. I AM A SUCCUBUS.. (sometimes)

once you pass the event horizon

you don't look so bad.....

a cha-cha

made you laugh.

more to come in the future.

I took an 8 ball.

Shook one.

Lingo Stigmata

I have noticed the words I have found myself stepping into, and realize I need a swift kick in the vocabulary.  It is a terrible waste to use such Cosmopolitain words as networking.  But to really unplug.. oh how about miscommunication?  What a whopper that says "I'm immature and will say anything to NOT be totally wrong!"

Play Date.  .. Oh we'll have a real one next time.

And I blush to admit, I love a quarter of their movies, but despise the channel: Disney.

I am putting some serious programming down... forget my foot... that's a lost cause.

Something new:  Tank sitter.

Heavens to Betsy....

I had to find someone with IQ.

Hard task

The worst word in the English Language today:  TRY

That's for men and Babies.

Families

I am in my daughter's room, laying on her princess bed realizing I spent over seven hours in her closet.  People don't understand my satisfaction in a job well done and every thing in its place... and how long its been since things have had a home.

You see, this place is all I have, and all I hold dear.  All chaos the world rains upon me finds shelter within this home.. and I find peace in each mated sock.  I have touched every inch of where I am, and can navigate these walls in the dark.. and find solace in that.

To have spent a life in disarray with no solid ground ... I can't control how I grew up... and the faces of people I don't know grow dim.

I paint a world for my child that begins here and now, and not by choice.  I can't make anyone love us though.

Family is a treasure that I do not share a past with.  All I have is now, and our future.  And I smile at my good fortune in knowing what is worth keeping.

Technical Support really Means Good Luck with That

I have just been to wits end on the whole IT gig.  I want to futterwacken vigorously as soon as I can find help that does not give me a dissertation on computer command history, speaks my language, does what I pay them to do, and has personality.

I know, I ask for the world.

NO, I ask for the net.