Walking the Kinks Out Brings up Bile

Having issues standing and/or walking has fallen into the category of that was so a month ago.  No, I hate to admit, right now I hurt in places that just seem unfair and a low blow to my Karmactic belt.  My quads have neverot knotted up to the degree I agonized over last night.  I roller blade people.  What a blow to realize the effects of two months of inactivity and record asthma and the emotional roller coaster of summer tore me down to a shadow of what I was before.  As my blog indirectly talks about the surgery I underwent, I'll elaborate a little.  I had two bunions on my right foot corrected, which involved wire in one and a pin in the other.  The overhaul included relaxing the toes because hammertoe was not so evident, but the tendons in my foot stood out in neutral.  All this surgery and the decision stemmed from the pain my foot and my body compensation caused so much back pain.  I never understood how much I hurt all the time, until recently.  My foot daily amazes me in the sheer complexity of just how much algebra and physics calculations my body crams into a size six shoe.

I am at a loss of words on how I feel as I finger the proverbial slap to the face I garnered from people who do not believe my foot actually hurts to the degree it does.  All the past week of energetic enthusiasm have been marked off as a bi-product of self-medication.  I am also reeling from admonishment of how some of my activities should be considered beneath someone my age. (#%$U#$U%*  Hasn't that gotten old? With an eyebrow raised? (Oh really.. I guess sweaters are back in again too)

Ok.  I wanted to draw a circle around myself as my hackles rose to new heights.  How one can even begin to pass judgement on me was beyond comprehension as reasons why even go there loomed in my thoughts. I kept very quiet and didn't move, for fear I would resort to something simple:  violence.

Oh I am still processing the entire turn of events and I feel victimized and judged by a self appointed morality patrol.  I must suppress the vindictive sensation that comes up with my bile.

Design Flawed..

OK, so  bear with me, I'm learning new things about not fixing something that isn't broke.  I like having the picture of my Dad's old Zenith in the background.  Yeah, and I love messing around with color and vogueing.  But all my backgrounds are me.  I can't decide, but this one centers better, and until I get bored enough to actually decide to add to vanity.  All weasels use Google plus to verify that those are my cool Versaces.

Any tips on design or ideas on gadgets would be appreciated.  I am wanting to do more, but need an all inclusive place for those with lives.

So please, zip me some links, or better yet, talk me up sometime.  About design.

Here's hoping.

Civic Duty Perks: Who knew?

Voting should be taken seriously.  As in, do it. Ok. That said...
I have spent the day overdosing on hanging out with my daughter, but rushed home to vote.  I drop her off at home, go to town hall.. get my sticker and stand at the WAIT HERE sign juggling foot, purse and my I Voted sticker.  The nicest little old lady grins and says dubiously: Are you ready? I grinned like I ate a canary and said: "As ready as I can be." She says: "I've heard that many times today."  We laugh and walk to booth and I said without thinking, "Well, you know after giving birth, I'm pretty sure this won't hurt a bit!  Ooops.  She dies laughing and breaks out with mock horror:  "I've not heard of that happening here before, and I can say I'm not trained to deal with that one!" We giggle some more and she asks if I'm familiar with the {SERIOUS} voting box.  Grinning, I tell her she might wanna refresh me on procedure.  We go over the choices and she says finally:  "If it shows crazy things just let us know, we're right here to run and help!"  I laugh with her again and people look and like a conspirator add... "Guess I'd better start dancing now, huh?" She twinkled at me and told me how much my humor made her long day worth it.  Then I voted.  Laughing put the needed energy back in my step. 

Upon leaving the parking lot, I realized how my parents would have reacted at my choices.  My Dad tearing his hair and sobbing: The horror....eeegadsss..
I put the car in park and laughed so hard at the absurdity of the circus going on in my head sparked by laughter.  The snowball got bigger..... hummm.....MAN!!!  They have privacy because parents would redo it if you did it, DO it if you didn't and even if they let their kids push the buttons fur would probably fly... because who am I/you/we to be grown up enough to do it right? Much less when did I decide who was boss?  ooooh Mom.  A sticker says I'm a grownup.  The visa machine just made note.

Let them Eat Cake. 

Future Reference Crock Pot Stock

My life seems to change gears and just when I think overdrive should be engaged, I have to slap it back into third and stretch my proverbial five foot two self out to brake.. all the while thinking in my head .. 'ramming speed'.  TOWANDA just does not work these days.  I would have a conniption fit if I rear ended someone in Betty.  I am getting off subject though.  I know my tangents reek of hypocracy at times; I will be honest.  I have a ton of faults I strive to keep in check.  (for example:  I complain, I take things too literal, I need to listen closer, I am late for everything and don't answer the phone..)

So grounded in the reality of S.O.C.K.S really happens to be: IT IS WHAT IT IS, I preservere.  In the spirt of that thought, I am sorting things out, and right now its a jumble of feelings that I have no order to find a starting point.  I catch myself accomplishing nothing because I feel so smothered.  Here goes a list that will gain a rolling momentum.. of sorts.

1.  My daughter will be seven in a couple of weeks.  Wow, I've got to get on the stick.

2.  Tomorrow is Halloween and I have the cutest Goldfish to take trick-or-treating.  What a cool costume, and I went all out this year, as I feel my grip slipping on having majority rule on clothing and 'little girl' things.

3.  Speaking of little girl things:  Vamp/Goth used to be a phenomenon of self expression ruled by anything but fashion and a mother could not just go to Wal-Mart and find a whole outfit .. for herself and her single digit aged child.  I'd like to smack the idiots that want to advertise slut suits for Halloween.

4.  Following that thought I think about the movie High School Musical having clothing out in a 3T.  When Grandma brought that shirt home, I promptly tossed it.  Seriously?

5.  OK.  Twitlet.  Twilight.  NOT A KID book.

6.  My daughter unrolled capri pants and wore them with boots today.  My husband thought they looked fine.

7.  Same daughter is against socks.

8.  OEHOIEFOIFENBEFIUEYEG*&#$Y she will wear them .

9.  I have the song Afro Circus running through my mind from Madagascar 3... and upon thinking about it... that's about the theme for some of the clothing choices my kid makes.. and I have to keep a straight face.

10.  My cousin left me a message that she has been clean since October 7th.

11.  So another friend gets out of jail in a couple of weeks. 

12.  Another friend got mad she had to pick up her kids early on Sunday because it ruined her only day to do something.  Something being go to the bar up the street.  I am not knocking the bar concept.  Let's get that straight.  It's just drinking costs a bunch, and Stokesdale does not buy that much liquor out of chivalry.  Oh don't go down the drain with this statement either.  A few things go through my head.. but I'm allowed... to speculate.  She's convinced I have swallowed the idea she fell off a turnip truck three days ago.  I only think when she fell.. it was under a wheel.  The thing is, I really don't give a fig about whether or not she's got a good history.. I like her for who she is and what I know ..  That said, I copiously smile and listen to the comments about this guy and that and he bought this, blah .. blah.. (I am insecure, and want to feel sexier and the way I do that is to stomp on an ego I believe you have).. whanka..  The thing is, a few years ago, this compensation technique would have gotten the desired effect of crushing my vanity and making me a hater, but these days, I am more offended that my friend can't read me well enough to see how pointless it is.  It makes me sad that life gets people down like this.

13.  OK, get off soap box because it sounds like I am on one, the real point is why go and drink when finances are so tight?  Why laughingly tell me how toasted you were and then how you fought with your husband.  Two drunks don't make a right.

14.  Then there is the bar itself.  The floor is chipboard.  I have been one time, and mopped a guy all over the floor within ten minutes.  And what?  No ice? 

15.  So we have a difference of lifestyle.  If my Sunday consisted of watching the race at the bar.. I'd rather take a pack of M&Ms and a flask into the bathroom.  Then I could drink good alcohol, throw M&Ms in the toilet and watch them go round in circles.  Then I could go out and take over some other numbing activity like scrapbooking.

16.  Customer service = Good luck with that.

17.  My sister called to wish me a Happy Halloween.  Again with the acid tongue.  I am so glad I have not spoken to her because eventually I am going to have a bad day and be emotional.  Unfortunately, when we hang up the phone because she has to 'hop off' to avoid anything personal, I will be halfway to Thomasville.  I feel so volatile.  I'm tired of being written off.

18.  So I wished I didn't find an envelope with Gma's name and body farm on it.  It gives me nightmares about my sister.  Plus I had to work with cadavers in college. 

19.  I want to redo the house, and this hesitation thing I've got going on sucks balls.

 

Well, that's it for the moment, more to come later.

Oh one final thing, I am very grateful for the person that sent me the positive email about this blog.  It made my day.  Happy fluffy cloud heart feelings for you.

 

 

Verbal Baked Alaska: The Secret Ingredient

The secret ingredient that sets any conversation on fire... is...

I hate to do this, but...

that damned butt.

Lights it every time.

I Just Realized how Green I am: Recycled Memory: Feel it Again and Again

BEEP* BEEP*

I wish I could call a construction container company to haul away some garbage I seem to collect.  Call it what you will:  mental garbage is utterly recyclable.  How I hate to find I am rehashing events unintentionally without permits or guidance from the PIC.  How utterly sick to be guilty of a greener world, if only in my mind.

More to Come: All recyled material

As You Were!

I have not written since I went Bohemian. Did I abandon clackers for the footwear embraced by a populace of toenails that need permits? NEVER.  Hell no, my shiny hardwoods were a lesson:  Wear shoes.  Foot blisters on the bottom. I know, insane. Calluses I understand and respect.. and dutifully get out that lava stone that should be a damned shiny diamond by freaking now.. (I know, gross NOT what nerds know pumice compressed is..)
Humm.
Changing gears.
I have a orthopedic ball and chain going on. I once thought my little feet were cute.  Thank you Nazi Podiatrist nurse.  I really do hate you because it felt like you ripped an unseen mustache off the sole of my foot.  Holy Crap! Does no one cry?  Thoughts go from pain to murderous easily when fear of the unknown and anxiety lead people to insinuate drama is my middle name.  Nope witch.  Where is Eminem or a good trashy Fuck You Go to person when you need em? (on each hand)

Yes, I could brap about many health issues while I polish my knife collection  Look out grumpy old men.  Hey.  Just when I haven't seen you (Nazi nurse) .. Walter Matttou bent over and the camera panned away to reveal you.
Enough~

Bohemian was where I had to opt out of traditional grooming methods of: DAILY and pretend style was not cried over piteously because substance was a major foot overhaul of genetically cute but defunct feet.  Right foot still bears surgery autograph. 

My first brush with stitches.
Compression bandages are made for tall people I assume.

Bring on the cheese.
and
whine.

Somewhere Anywhere Now What?

I must lay it all out for myself.  It isn't easy waking up with my face planted on my keyboard.  Worse yet, the only reason I woke up was because my arm was asleep.  Do Tell, Right?  This phenomenon would be just fine were I in college (ie not my age)..

I left the networked world because I was playing Diablo.  Glory Days long gone hassled me into snatching up a copy and quickly spending more than a night playing...

Sad thing is..

I have only ever played Diablo.  I'm not a PC gamer.  I just decided to have my own gameboy last year.  So not a gamer.

But Heavens to Betsy I've been online.

I also realized that in two months I've played more Diablo than I watched television for the past six months.

I just discovered a new subspecies of Nerd.

oooooooooooo

For the Record

Having issues that just stare at me is difficult to face without wanting to blame somebody else for the long list of things that plague my seemingly easy life.

How hard is it to be me? I ask myself this frequently.  Then I answer myself like some guilty criminal:  Since when did what everyone else rule my life?

Humm.  We pause now for standard evacuation procedures..

Guess what people?  I've always cared about public opinion, because one person does not make me invaluable.  Everyone else does.  Chew on your pencil and dwell for a moment.. on my discovery.

Ten years ago I didn't worry so much about public opinion and status because I had the power job everyone gave me the two thumbs way up for letting myself jockey in the business world.

When did worries set in you ask?  The moment I achieved the American Dream.  The wife.  Stay at Home Mom.  Dinner at six.  Sexy at ten.  Bag up the day after the weather gods speak.

All the sudden:  I'm very lucky.  EVERYONE tells me.

When did a full dishwasher do anything but piss me off because a Raisin Bran bowl can't move two more feet?  If Congealed Bran were a symbol of love and romance....well..... damn...

I'd never get off my knees.
Wait! There's more!

Yes! I have discovered nothing in this world is really significant on anyone Else's radar unless there is a little ass involved.  Whether washing one, kicking one, worrying about the size of mine... activity ensues in the pursuit of self. 

OMG I definitely feel knit a sweater phase edging out because Spongebob is on all the time.

But seriously.  I love my job, and I love being at home doing it all because I must be that supermom with a Free Range chip on my shoulder.  Shall we even discuss how much that bummed me out as a human lactaid?

So after a good chuckle stop laughing.  Its not funny.  I am important and necessary to daily existence right?  Love me, lust me, need me tell me tell me.

BRB.

WHAT?!

IT's IN  THE  LEFT DRAWER BESIDE the little red THINGIE!! SEE IT?

*$%(*&$%* I'm COMING.

*snicker* I wish.

So where was I? 

Practicing my impression of Peg Bundy.

Pissed that I just hit the wall of smell.

Jockeying these days involves spending time on hold and threatening customer service people, committing heinous acts of debauchery over my new washer and dryer:  Sputnik and Apollo... They look that fab!

DID ANYONE REALIZE washers and dryers now come with a PLAY button?  WHAT?

I know aliens landed in my laundry room and abducted normalcy with one allergen Free, Static Reduced cycle.  How sitcom of me to also mention

DEVO is my vacuum cleaner, very retro in turquoise... who married lil' Betty (the mini-vac) and Baby D is EVRAWHAR.. floor sweeper...

Hey..

I have no idea what the point is now, as I am sleep deprived and telling my own 'corporate' secrets.

Oh.

Staying at home and being good at it is more challenging than my Power Job.  I just wish I could tell me that constantly and not raise my hackles when asked 'what do you do?'

What I haven't accomplished is a list that is getting smaller.  So I'm ready.

Let the field trip begin. And the insecurity of thinking I need to bring my car registration and a resume ..

*sigh*

Me List, You think Maybe... No Maybe some Other..

Some of my Rhyme and Reason

1. I have found that my parenting methods, when applied to adults, more often than not, leads to progress and/or solutions.
2.  Nelly is very smart.  Haters just CAN'T get past that.
3.  Pity is for people in other countries.
4.  My six year old has more personality than ... oh .. I forgot who it was I was referring to..
5.  I love my kid, but you can overdose on her.
6.  My favorite channel is OFF.
7.  I feel like the one always in charge of feeling ... unless there is booty involved .. and hello? 
8.  In profiles, where they ask what animal you would be, if you could be one, I always put weasel.  Everyone should put weasel.
9.  I call it like I see it, and there is no way she did NOT hear the paint can when she ran over it on my new asphalt...
10.  If my family suffers from deadly snake bites, I'm in trouble, as I threaten to hide them all over my home as no one looks for anything.  They just scream out my name and yadda yadda.
11.  I have a camel cricket mafia in the basement.  It competes with the wolf spiders and they have turf wars.  Extermination of all insects is covered by my marital contract.
12. If you suddenly feel curious, and that you have missed something in life... STOP... count to three.. and grow up... you were totally meant to miss it obviously.
13.  I love all things girlie and feel pretty girlie, but wonder what all the fuss is about when I fished the toad out of the pool.
14.  I cry.  Most of the time over things outside the realm of what people think I cry about.  This comes from age I believe.
15. I talk a bunch.  Not that it accomplishes much.. kinda like that whole one hand clapping riddle...
16.  Nope, I'm not sorry.  Really.
17.  I'm very lucky, and I know it, however, don't be a cliche parrot
18.  Yup, according to rumor a Harley, however, I think I like Rice Rockets because they have toe holds.
19.  Not on my watch.  I grew up with all the examples of what not to accept.
20.  Watch your tone, it says more than you know.
21.  I am all for personality, I find it more in public than in circles of people I know.
22.  I definitely do not judge unless I am qualified, and even then I have to be stumbling over harsh truth before I do so.
23.  I've been told I have too high of expectations. 
24,  Most people that preach 'get over it' or 'deal with it', or use those words after unloading on me ... I find to be douchebags.. as whatever malady I suffer from is forever eclipsed.. and I need to DEAL so we can get back to talking about ... douchebags.
25.  I'm pretty much late for everything because of all the minor deta ils.
26.  My Basement cave is not for you, its for me butthead, and just know that anyone hanging in it is breathing my air.
27.  I hate being told I was 'facebooked'.
28.  I totally love cartoons.
29.  My car's name is Betty.
30.  You know, people can't read minds so I tell them what I want, and that shocks most of them.
31.  what used to shock me is even knowing, like they care... crap, they might have to do something.

YES.. I AM A SUCCUBUS.. (sometimes)

once you pass the event horizon

you don't look so bad.....

a cha-cha

made you laugh.

more to come in the future.

I took an 8 ball.

Shook one.

Lingo Stigmata

I have noticed the words I have found myself stepping into, and realize I need a swift kick in the vocabulary.  It is a terrible waste to use such Cosmopolitain words as networking.  But to really unplug.. oh how about miscommunication?  What a whopper that says "I'm immature and will say anything to NOT be totally wrong!"

Play Date.  .. Oh we'll have a real one next time.

And I blush to admit, I love a quarter of their movies, but despise the channel: Disney.

I am putting some serious programming down... forget my foot... that's a lost cause.

Something new:  Tank sitter.

Heavens to Betsy....

I had to find someone with IQ.

Hard task

The worst word in the English Language today:  TRY

That's for men and Babies.

New Thinking

Do you think its all been done and you can't add to it? I don't think so.

That would make one book's ideas on free will true.

There isn't any.

Happiness at 4:52 is a tapping noise

Happiness is creeping down the hallway in platform patent leather shoes just because the more I think about it, Happiness will probably be giggles too.

Happiness is also relishing the fact world peace has UV lighting and can multitask.

I had better run before I fall asleep.

Silly.

Happiness could be falling in those shoes too.

But that has its fun too.

Something Close to Nothing, just ask Prince, he can fill in the gaps

Upon second thought, there is a place no one should leave through the in door.  It is geographically located on Highway 68, and is the Highway Entrance to Taco Bell/Pizza Hut right before I-40.  Oh sure, absolutely ENTER to purchase junk food, but NEVER leave thinking to avoid a light.  If you need proof, please go try it.  Then use my number system to cuss me out.  Option three is the best:  call my parental units for customer service and have fun with that.

Alright, today started out really shitty, then the miracle of Dr. Mu, goddess of the needles set to work and right now, I want to do that cool NFL dance and slam some pig skin down on a manicured football field.  After the initial feeling of utter drainage wears off, my body simply rejoices!  I cannot tell a person enough that answers to most any ill or negativity really can be managed and sometimes cured with your own mind and body.  I have realized I simply need the correct person to set me on that path to seeing that Hey, the forest is just fine, but you know, why don't you just be the Tree?  That translates into:  focus on inside yourself and the answers can be located in the positive aspects of just being a tree.  Forest be damned. 

I can picture my voodoo doctor right now telling me that this feeling is mania.  Thank Dr. K, I really am so grateful to know happiness is actually mania.  I bet there's pill for that, didn't one of your assistants say so?  Oh, I know, that's just plain cynical, because in fact, yesterday I did see Dr. K, Voodoo lady, and it turns out we had a really good session because I decided to start taking more control by expressing myself.  Behold the light of language, for once in a very long time, I believe she earned the ridiculous amount she costs.  Trying to get me to see her partner lost some brownie points because the bondage of Hipaa wouldn't apply here, since my files are conveniently in the same office, and on principle, I'm against that.  Plus, my inner me does not want my psychologist sharing rental space with my voodoo lady.  I might come up over the watering hole, and somehow Hipaa again would be forgotten and I'd never know.  That feels like a wedgie of the worst kind... one everyone but me would see.. oh but I would feel and not have any way to dislodge that from my ass.  What a horrible mental picture.  Let me get back to Dr. K on a better note.. I might start calling her a Doctor if she keeps this positive going.  However, I'm hoping that acupuncture will dispel my needs for her services at some point.  I am not hugging trees or wearing those detestable shoes, but I prefer a holistic approach to the temple of my body and mind.  I don't know if this has evolved from age or I fell and cracked my head, but experience with the world of doctors leads me to believe the truth is out there.  Truth in common language that can be afforded by all, and Obama didn't subsidize any part of it.  This is my utopia, OK people, so I may be all sides of the fence, but please don't lecture me on politics because of a small joke.

Seventeen minutes ago was a good day.  Today is beginning to look good too.  I hope everyone I care about has a great day too, because I love them.

Twiddling has Consequences

I ddecided to play with my blog the other day and you know, I really should have left that alone.  I now definitely have a copy of my crap saved to never repeat such an incident.

And I really hope that copyright thing at the bottom means something.

I like blogging and need a place that is mine.  I guess I should consider getting my own page at some point. But I definitely would have lots of movies and books and other people to quote for one liners that just float my boat...

I'm striving towards something I actually wish I could identify.  It will come to me.

It gets a little crazy sometimes because of all the different obstacles I find in my path, myself and my mouth being the larger potholes.  However, the reason I live and breathe every day happens to be for those little things that I seem to abound in.  I took a chance, a can of air, some tape and a prayer and opened my Altar to the Gods.  My Dad's old Zenith Solid State circa 1965 silently opened and I took a deep breath to admire the stereo that was the only thing I ever wanted (and by some act of GOD, own) and then I withered inside as I turned the selector over to FM and the tuner lit up .... I miss my Daddy!...Then how can I stay sad when Aerosmith came through the speakers with pointers on how to "Walk this way"... and what station was it on?  Santa Claus' favorite station... Rock 92.

Then I turned on the floodlights, pulled out my extra copy of Fleetwood Mac, held my mouth right, taped the needle to the stylus and sang along wondering when Sarah was going to call me home.  I wish I could have shared the magic with them, but its OK.  I really needed something miraculous and well, those speakers make my Pioneers sound like whimps.

I love you Daddy.
I always will.

And Nattie's Camaro was tuned to Rock 92, just like every other FM tuner to pass under your hands.

Girl Power now embodies seeing who helped make me whole and wonderful and beautiful.  He did.

I need a hairball treatment

I feel like dry heaving until the hairball lodged in my personality comes hurtling out of me. It will be one satisfying squishing noise when it finally plops itself violently outside of my body.

This hairball will be made up of daydreams, fruitless ventures of goodwill and Disney philosophy about life.. all angrily twisted together with the juices malice and reality squeeze from a pulverized soul.

Trust me, it will be one of the ones to brag over.

Between the Lines

I posted the following in my notes on Facebook and since everyone steals anything anyone has written and Between the Lines has so many different interpretations to me I thought my latest addition to my frothing of the mouth should start here....
Epiphany # 812,112,125.025
I want world peace and its easy when your world is the combination of two buildings.  I need to practice that special wave pageant winners lavish upon the crowds.
.026
People are who they are is what they say. Who the hell are they then?
.027
Accepting things I cannot change I feel is a misnomer. For example, a twenty.  Well, no, not right this moment, but later after I buy some starburst, "change"
.028
I cannot change the boooo-shaaa in the Girl Power Handshake to Fuck Em Too..
.029
I don't think anyone will believe my newest family story: the one where I was actually born in China and had cosmetic surgery to look American.
.30
Be careful when dumping your kid's room in the middle of the floor, you might not see your reflection in nearby mirrors.. proving you are morphing into your mother.... nightmare

OK, that's neatly put:  Faye ATE A SHIT SANDWICH and oh yes, we'd love a line longer than our leg, but we grew out of that and became socialized and grown up.

I said somewhere my family was no picnic. Guess what? I want to really mail a huge box of things I hate to my mom that includes the ugliest dishes known to man (which I shall break and shit upon), that ornament that looks like some kid decorated it, a rabbit ripped to shreds, lime green fuzzy dice and for sure a souped up copy of my biological unit complete with horns and tail and a huge fuck you written on it.  Is this very grown up? NO. Do I care No.

Will I do this? No.  I would not waste the postage on anything but maybe sending her a shit I took, but that's just cheap, and since I seem to be made of the green stuff, I would have to drink alot of grape soda to get a lime green shit for her...

I am losing brain cells by this digression.

I am just mad. I had to be honest with my now six year old as to why I cried all day long. I let her hear the message my Dad left on my phone.  I watched two big tears roll down her face as comprehension of the fact that he didn't love me (pretty much) sunk in before he finished talking.  She looked at me and shakily said that she didn't love anyone who didn't love her Mommy.  I snatched up my child and swung her into the air and told her that story about rubber and glue and inside realized how lucky I am. I will somehow let him know she heard it from his lips, and he can take his ass down the road (indirect quote)

All it took for my Dad to tell me get out of his life was my mom and a hammer.  You know what I realized, this goes beyond having no balls.  No, it delves into the realization he is a soulless man.  That made me all scared inside and the adrenals pumped thinking I escaped having my soul sucked out of me by my mother.  I thought pity was reserved for people in other countries, well Thomasville is another country I guess.  I know it seems so very harsh, but I love my parents, but they are these things.  One soulless, the other a soul eater... which in other cultures are feared above all else.  He went from demanding a picture a day to telling me I was not splitting up him and mom.  What the FUCK? Since when did I go from daughter to competition? You things are sick fuckers.  Today I quietly turned off the phone and took him off my credit card.  There is no one on this planet worth trusting other than the cat, and that's only marginally because you know they piss in every plant, chew open the bread and tell the neighbors plainly they are starving.

On another note, I will have Big Magic back on Tuesday.  This being my desktop and world.  I really made the computer guy's butt suck upholstery as I calmly told him that porn is no problem, he missed out on the saga of Down and Out with Maleficent: Her theories on Sharing. Without batting an eye I explained everything from the peon computer guy that I caught turning on my webcams to my husband's texting escapades, how boots don't cover this shit, that I wear waders, and pretty much don't fuck with me because well, I own this goddamned world and am more than good to it. After thought processes cooled, I emailed him and said find me software and relax, I never look for trouble, it finds me.  Like static cling.  Honestly, my husband and his follies are something that needed to be addressed before this whole marriage gig stayed a true band.  No Van Halen here, you know?  I totally understood the whole thing, however, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not stupid either and I believe he counted on the fact I was polite.  He forgot I'm a fucking lady.  In a nutshell, the only thing I really don't  operate well with is someone trying to sell me something I don't want. I didn't marry an idiot, nor Satan. I married my male half, I know exactly how smart he can be. I told him don't play with fire, he'd get pink elephants on parade picture mailed to him six months after the fact with the title: Top that Asshole.

We agreed that hawking should be done together, since we're both pretty damned good at it.

That makes me smile. This rant isn't about being mad at him, he's the greatest, and that seems so vanilla at the moment.  I am glad that today the doghouse only includes my parents and God.