De v/s Su in terms of Pression

I think the word Depression gives people the wrong impression.  I don't think I'm very depressed at all.  Suppressed?  Now there's a humdinger.  I spend much time attempting to avoid those people that excel in sucking all the happiness right out of a perfectly good day.

And I thought I was a succubus.

This is the area I must have my head examined thoroughly.

I'm perfectly fine.  It's the rest of the crazies to medicate with self imposed doldrums.

What to do, What to do

I guess I've never talked about a wealth of other fun stuff I thought about publishing on this blog.  About a year ago, I decided to get Dragon software that turns text to speech and it came with a handy recorder.  So, I have some fun recordings that upon listening, I know would lose the flavor if I attempted turning them to text.  Again, I want to stay in one place, and the very idea of YouTube seems like an invitation for some sort of social disaster, but needless to say, I wish I knew more about web design, because I have some fun stuff.  I picked up this habit and its helped me deal with stress and get past things, but upon reflection later, its hilarious.  I would advise anyone to carry around a recorder and just turn it on when you have some dilemma.  Then cool off and listen to yourself later.. its a good way to save face... whether yours or someone else's.

Anyway, note to self:  I must find my recordings about Wal-Mart and The decline of customer service.  These two recordings alone are priceless.

*sigh*  I need to go to bed, but a friend told me a secret, and boy do I not know how to interpret what he told me.  Again, the statement.. what to do.. what to do.  I've heard let's do something, even if its wrong... *if only*

 

Rejection: Keep Your Sandwich

My blog has been in obscurity for some time, and until recently, I've always thought this was good.  My line of thinking this was for safety reasons, whether real or imagined, I dunno.  You see, Facebook has become a place where your life story can be researched by anyone, including people I might want employment from.  Sensibly, its not a place to discuss things like depression, sex, duct tape, spiders or use profanity to get a point across.  To me, Facebook belongs in family category, where you can read about the happy fluffy things and that's about it.  However, I like to write, but, don't have time to babysit a million comment places.. and after much thought, chose Blogger.  Google seems to have a safe haven where my writing can be in one place, and I wouldn't get emails with attachments of people's nether-regions as tokens of appreciation.  I learned this tidbit being a member of Friend finder for a little while.  I wasn't looking to ply my wares in joining there, but it was fun to hold a top position for a long time.. but .. you know.. the manamanah thing makes the idea of that website clash with who I am really.  I made one fantastic friend whom I speak with often, and whom I cite as helping save my marriage even.  Sidenote:  We became friends because of his first comment on one of my posts:  You spelled paraphernalia correctly.  We became fast friends, and well, still are.  If only I could network and have more friends like George.  I promise I'm getting to the point.  What I realized is that I missed people commenting.  I missed the ease of commenting on other people's thoughts of the day.  In going around the net, I tire of anecdotes and plagiarized kittens, misspelled euphemisms and hairball hacking crap.  I almost signed back up for Friend finder just because of the banter.  However, I happened upon Blogger and decided obscurity was better.  Then latenight, read an email about improving site traffic.  Why not?  So I signed up for Adsense.  To my dismay, I am peddling anything Google wants to grace my blog with.  Killjoys.

Upon further reading and befuddlement, I have a lot to learn about website building.  My reaction:  I want to throw a tantrum.  Who has time for this?  No, I don't want to pay for it!!  I really wanted that cookie world.  *sigh*  What to do now.  I really want to write, I have kept handwritten things for years.. but this is better.  In writing though, this is the way I do it, and I have no uber-skills except those handed to me by the 'joys' of my daily life.

I'm not mad at Google.  I'm more disappointed that because I don't follow norms, used the word Fuck and other profanity.. I'm speculating... and I don't specifically promote one thing only when I write ..

So give up writing?  Nah.. So what that a blog is about an interest or product.  I can't market life and will not stoop to marketing myself... there are streetcorners if I become that desperate.

I learned something new:  I must package my Sandwich in a more attractive package that's rated E for everyone, not G for Google.

This is as graceful as I get.
Whaaa!

How Many Lights Does it Take to Screw Up My Groove?

So far, three and counting.  Yes, this is a FISH story, or more accurately, a coronary coral event.  This is tale worth telling.  My 36 gallons of world peace proceeded to decline into turf wars since my surgery on my foot.  My protein skimmer was a joke, and in frustration over the noise I cut it off.  The new canister filter was a dream.  I just managed to get the water a bit salty and my light fixture was going out.  I had ordered a Marineland T5 and Halide fixture that had all the timers built in.  People, I took my old jewelry to my jeweler to justify this outrageous light.  Two months went by and I finally hired that PAID PROFESSIONAL.  Whew.  He's great, and I manged not to start crying in front of him when he said that the light would have melted my tank had it been hung.  Praise the PIC for procrastination inclination!!  I ordered the light from Dr. Foster's.  I was so afraid they were not going to take the light back because two months went by.  Needless to say, customer service is alive and well because the lady that helped me was so kind.  Anyway, I went ahead and ordered a new fixture that Mr. Secret Reef recommended.  Oooooh, a Marineland LED, 36 inch fixture.  I was so excited.  The box that came in the mail was about a foot shorter than me.  WHAT!  It didn't fit.  Secret Reef made certain I ordered this size, I even had to make a second call because I ordered a smaller one...Anyway.  RULE TO REMEMBER:  Men do not come preprogrammed with the ability to look at any object and accurately cite it's size.  Á proverbial light bulb went off in my head and I fetched a tape.  Sure enough, a 36 inch bow front tank is 30 inches across.  What a killjoy to know I had ordered the right one and suffered the cancellation call for nothing.  It was alright though.  I called Dr. Foster's and actually miraculously got the same customer service person and she was wonderful again, and sent me another fixture.. which arrived a day ago.  It is wonderful.  It fits.  Only the actinic blue LEDs don't work.  I'm waiting again.  What can I complain about?  Actually, nothing.  For once in my life, a company has been gracious to me, a paying customer.  The first light I paid shipping on, the last two they did.  I am just so excited watching everything thrive in the short time someone lent me their time and patience.

Future Reference Crock Pot Stock

My life seems to change gears and just when I think overdrive should be engaged, I have to slap it back into third and stretch my proverbial five foot two self out to brake.. all the while thinking in my head .. 'ramming speed'.  TOWANDA just does not work these days.  I would have a conniption fit if I rear ended someone in Betty.  I am getting off subject though.  I know my tangents reek of hypocracy at times; I will be honest.  I have a ton of faults I strive to keep in check.  (for example:  I complain, I take things too literal, I need to listen closer, I am late for everything and don't answer the phone..)

So grounded in the reality of S.O.C.K.S really happens to be: IT IS WHAT IT IS, I preservere.  In the spirt of that thought, I am sorting things out, and right now its a jumble of feelings that I have no order to find a starting point.  I catch myself accomplishing nothing because I feel so smothered.  Here goes a list that will gain a rolling momentum.. of sorts.

1.  My daughter will be seven in a couple of weeks.  Wow, I've got to get on the stick.

2.  Tomorrow is Halloween and I have the cutest Goldfish to take trick-or-treating.  What a cool costume, and I went all out this year, as I feel my grip slipping on having majority rule on clothing and 'little girl' things.

3.  Speaking of little girl things:  Vamp/Goth used to be a phenomenon of self expression ruled by anything but fashion and a mother could not just go to Wal-Mart and find a whole outfit .. for herself and her single digit aged child.  I'd like to smack the idiots that want to advertise slut suits for Halloween.

4.  Following that thought I think about the movie High School Musical having clothing out in a 3T.  When Grandma brought that shirt home, I promptly tossed it.  Seriously?

5.  OK.  Twitlet.  Twilight.  NOT A KID book.

6.  My daughter unrolled capri pants and wore them with boots today.  My husband thought they looked fine.

7.  Same daughter is against socks.

8.  OEHOIEFOIFENBEFIUEYEG*&#$Y she will wear them .

9.  I have the song Afro Circus running through my mind from Madagascar 3... and upon thinking about it... that's about the theme for some of the clothing choices my kid makes.. and I have to keep a straight face.

10.  My cousin left me a message that she has been clean since October 7th.

11.  So another friend gets out of jail in a couple of weeks. 

12.  Another friend got mad she had to pick up her kids early on Sunday because it ruined her only day to do something.  Something being go to the bar up the street.  I am not knocking the bar concept.  Let's get that straight.  It's just drinking costs a bunch, and Stokesdale does not buy that much liquor out of chivalry.  Oh don't go down the drain with this statement either.  A few things go through my head.. but I'm allowed... to speculate.  She's convinced I have swallowed the idea she fell off a turnip truck three days ago.  I only think when she fell.. it was under a wheel.  The thing is, I really don't give a fig about whether or not she's got a good history.. I like her for who she is and what I know ..  That said, I copiously smile and listen to the comments about this guy and that and he bought this, blah .. blah.. (I am insecure, and want to feel sexier and the way I do that is to stomp on an ego I believe you have).. whanka..  The thing is, a few years ago, this compensation technique would have gotten the desired effect of crushing my vanity and making me a hater, but these days, I am more offended that my friend can't read me well enough to see how pointless it is.  It makes me sad that life gets people down like this.

13.  OK, get off soap box because it sounds like I am on one, the real point is why go and drink when finances are so tight?  Why laughingly tell me how toasted you were and then how you fought with your husband.  Two drunks don't make a right.

14.  Then there is the bar itself.  The floor is chipboard.  I have been one time, and mopped a guy all over the floor within ten minutes.  And what?  No ice? 

15.  So we have a difference of lifestyle.  If my Sunday consisted of watching the race at the bar.. I'd rather take a pack of M&Ms and a flask into the bathroom.  Then I could drink good alcohol, throw M&Ms in the toilet and watch them go round in circles.  Then I could go out and take over some other numbing activity like scrapbooking.

16.  Customer service = Good luck with that.

17.  My sister called to wish me a Happy Halloween.  Again with the acid tongue.  I am so glad I have not spoken to her because eventually I am going to have a bad day and be emotional.  Unfortunately, when we hang up the phone because she has to 'hop off' to avoid anything personal, I will be halfway to Thomasville.  I feel so volatile.  I'm tired of being written off.

18.  So I wished I didn't find an envelope with Gma's name and body farm on it.  It gives me nightmares about my sister.  Plus I had to work with cadavers in college. 

19.  I want to redo the house, and this hesitation thing I've got going on sucks balls.

 

Well, that's it for the moment, more to come later.

Oh one final thing, I am very grateful for the person that sent me the positive email about this blog.  It made my day.  Happy fluffy cloud heart feelings for you.