I have not written deep relevant thoughts and I need to just admit I know why for my own reasons. Analytics and Twitter reveal some static cling and this bothers me to an extent.
OK, that was a huge lie, it offends every little particle of my being, and too many immature ideas have been flying around inside my head. It is so hard to not break down and just start letting my inner asshole take over to compensate for a silence I have too long held.
This is the part where I am asking myself to breathe in and out and just be calm. Oh Fuck that. There is something so wrong with the world, yes, indeed so wrong with the world that when it affects the spin of mine, I get mad. That's the deal, I literally have paced the walls of my inner self and I see things that I can not change. Then I see the glaring things that bother me because I can do something. What does all this mean? One more item checked off the definition of Grown Up. I make one huge self discovery that I wish I could take back. Part of being mature and grown up is knowing this: Hey, I get hurt a bunch. Ouch. That's scary. Maybe I shouldn't be so.. me. Ouch, That's scary. I like me. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
More Internal Monologue:
This is my blog. I write here. I don't have to worry about people's feelings here. Shit I totally have. I have a bunch of noteworthy life events to write about and I didn't type ANYTHING. I was afraid of WRITING, Shit! Letting that soak in really Blows! I need to slap myself or at least check my own pulse. Who cares about the people that see this or find it. Is this for them? NO. That said, those who read my blog and find me interesting, thanks. For those keeping tabs, here's my acknowledgement. Whether good or bad, a 'hello' or 'fuck you' would have been food for thought or expansion. All my own thoughts stay mostly under my cap, but its a slippery slope. I guess I could change things, but I don't want to, other than to point out it's kind of tacky. On the flip side of this seeming rant, I would be happy to say hello, long time, no see... I also would give me a lot of joy, because lighting candles that get blown out is exhausting.
I know that the above seems rather touchy and cryptic. It's my life. I can say it however... but I don't always feel the same at any given time. The only thing that gets under my skin is the big NOTHING.
Say something, say hello and figure out what it is you want to know or ask. Get to your point. Let me get to my pointiness and round out my edges. Don't get defensive.
Don't get defensive, hum, a couple of years ago, probably 100% true about me. These days, I'm thinking.. territorial with a bit of defensiveness .. old mechanisms are difficult to put aside.
Then again, I'm the same and different. Are you?
(The teal print is me being lazy about punctuation and inner monologuing)
This is the part where I am asking myself to breathe in and out and just be calm. Oh Fuck that. There is something so wrong with the world, yes, indeed so wrong with the world that when it affects the spin of mine, I get mad. That's the deal, I literally have paced the walls of my inner self and I see things that I can not change. Then I see the glaring things that bother me because I can do something. What does all this mean? One more item checked off the definition of Grown Up. I make one huge self discovery that I wish I could take back. Part of being mature and grown up is knowing this: Hey, I get hurt a bunch. Ouch. That's scary. Maybe I shouldn't be so.. me. Ouch, That's scary. I like me. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
More Internal Monologue:
This is my blog. I write here. I don't have to worry about people's feelings here. Shit I totally have. I have a bunch of noteworthy life events to write about and I didn't type ANYTHING. I was afraid of WRITING, Shit! Letting that soak in really Blows! I need to slap myself or at least check my own pulse. Who cares about the people that see this or find it. Is this for them? NO. That said, those who read my blog and find me interesting, thanks. For those keeping tabs, here's my acknowledgement. Whether good or bad, a 'hello' or 'fuck you' would have been food for thought or expansion. All my own thoughts stay mostly under my cap, but its a slippery slope. I guess I could change things, but I don't want to, other than to point out it's kind of tacky. On the flip side of this seeming rant, I would be happy to say hello, long time, no see... I also would give me a lot of joy, because lighting candles that get blown out is exhausting.
I know that the above seems rather touchy and cryptic. It's my life. I can say it however... but I don't always feel the same at any given time. The only thing that gets under my skin is the big NOTHING.
Say something, say hello and figure out what it is you want to know or ask. Get to your point. Let me get to my pointiness and round out my edges. Don't get defensive.
Don't get defensive, hum, a couple of years ago, probably 100% true about me. These days, I'm thinking.. territorial with a bit of defensiveness .. old mechanisms are difficult to put aside.
Then again, I'm the same and different. Are you?
(The teal print is me being lazy about punctuation and inner monologuing)
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