Upon Ascending into the Light

Its good I read my own writing because I guess all the symbols must mean the adjectives are some very country grammar.. those four letter word descriptors that only demean the IQ when frustration threatens to take hold.

I have a pretty decent sized IT department for one household containing three people, one Pomeranian, four (possibly five) fish and a tank full of corals.. oh yeah and one grandma next door.  I'm admitting to the following because there's no one to stop me from total social disaster *EEE GADS*  My network currently contains four computers.  One beefed up desktop and three laptops.  Sadly though, I still have possession of a six year old Trojan Toshiba Satellite... that works if one does not mind that I hooked it to an old monitor to see and found a late night deal on a portable optical drive if I need to access it.  It's the Frankencomputer, not used at the moment... as I'm juggling other technical maneuvers.  That Toshiba doesn't hold a candle to the Dell Dimension Desktop my husband is clinging to because of an old version of Quickbooks that the closet control freak can't let go of... for some time he used not being able to print to the HP printer from his laptop as a reason to keep the thing.... but he keeps his mouth shut because between his choice of laptop and that damnable printer sealed the mice type in our marriage.  He is no longer allowed to buy anything electronic for our household.

So count it up, four ... five... six.  Computers.  OK.  Learning fast here.  The network also contains three shared printers.  The bat cave monitors them all and houses the cable and router.. and a network external drive for backup.. and for Apple alone I have a drive that holds all brands of add ons that owning two iPods have to push upon a person.

Network also has to take into account the wii and the 3DS gameboys that get on the net..factor in the blu-ray player and my nook... and of course my very smart phone.

Where does this leave me?  I have software busy sorting through pictures and video for duplicates.  Tedious.  I have Kaspersky Pure checking to see if I can operate more than one computer at a time to understand how to lock down the fort.

Do I have Internet for the rest of the world?  No.  I used to feel bad about telling people to go to McDonald's.. but not anymore.  Let a stranger have your password and they see the keys to my world.  They might not steal my porn, but the guy who borrowed the phone for a second just might decide shopping as me might be fun.

I've had the scare of someone being on my network and Time Warner tell me I'm just having Homegroup problems and I get a very nasal snotty Man that I'm grateful to understand, but pissed that I'm paying him to fix the issue, not use my name ten times and tell me to not worry (because obviously I'm an idiot that should be impressed by his prowess of being able to tell me the crap plugged into his router, which a month ago DID allow me to change my own information THANK YOU.

I get going on these techno stories because they simply are too much drama for one person to wrap themselves around.  I am not stupid.  I am so glad I keep receipts and write things down.  It makes many people mad that I don't budge.



Closest Thing to My Name on Someone other than My Dad



All I want to do is consolidate these components, shop on the Internet, write on my blog, and keep pursuing the idea of compiling all my writing into my own website.  For myself.

It takes a bunch of those sandwiches I talk about in my title to realize the more I learn, the angrier I get.  Oh and I am not attempting to make it a crappy, it isn't.  I would just like for customer service to be popular on the first ring and concern and help funnel its way toward me when I reach for it in such a way that leads to future confidence, less calls.... and you know

OH GOD! can go back to the way I like to scream it.



To All those Anonymous People Other than the Rest of the World

I gotta tell ya, you people kinda make my day and make me actually go and check my Gmail.  Little nuggets of interest get the bellows going...the smithy...started... and its getting hot in here.

Where to start, where to start?  I was asked to explain more here.  Humm.  I did promise more to come, didn't I?  I was definitely in the middle (at least in my mind) of a frothy yell-fest about yet another of my adventures involving technology.  Just imagine me with a Viking Helmet and the nicest, non-relenting customer service voice {complete with perky personality} and there I am.

Seething on the inside.  Holding for days and weeks on the outside... I know.  You're cryin' your bloomin' eyes out at me aren't you?  Well I'm beating my chest and yanking my hair out for you too... *giggle*

Ever Heard that song by Kenny Rogers, the Gambler?  Yeah.  That Table.  I don't play cards unless GO Fish and Skip-bo count... but...

You gotta know when to hold em [DELL]
Know when to fold em [FISH TANK GUY]
Know when to walk away [ANY PERSON USING MY FIRST NAME MORE THAN TWICE]
Know when to run [Except when backing up a car &testosterone dares me the bird.. *EVIL SMILE]
You never count your money when you're sittin at the table [PISSED BECAUSE THE WAITRESS THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO CHEAP TO GET THE HINT AND LEAVE MORE THAN TWO CENTS..i never cheap a waitress, its robbery]

Oh I could probably fill that whole song with little witticisms... but, I'll just tell you that I have a poster from the Album The Gambler within eyesight of the my screen.  The real thing to grasp from that is how my tables change.

There's that Holy Grail... the Kitchen Table... Dinner.  One of my personal goals of happiness.
Then move over to realizing I have to fill out PowerPoint presentations for a first grader.. and yes.. it had a table.. HA.. Ha..

Then let's go pay some bills...curled up on my bed, looking at the tables comparing prices of future purchases against past ones.. and sighing.

Then there's that hallway Table that I have evicted those Yeti from, and I think they partied with the playboy mansion bunnies last night.

OK - I have to say - Nickelback, just give me the key to the Playboy Mansion and I'll be happy.  You can have 15 cars and Pez Dispensers...the tub sounds cool, but I would have to clean it, so .. I'll stick to Betty as being that bit of luxury for the moment.



Here's My Betty!  Yes, this is my car.  Yes, I took the picture.  NO, you can't drive her. [Being grown up enough for Leather has been a life dream conquered]

Moving on.

Explain more:  I'm gonna just run with a list, because I have so many things going on that aren't even touched upon on this list and I guess we'll get there when we do..
1.  I am IT for my home because I have allowed two people into my home and into my computers to help me and the first guy looked for jobs while on the clock and the second guy decided that he should mail me the correct battery for my laptop.
2.  I have all Dell Computers.  I love them.  I HATE the people who supposedly care about my problems.  I held two laptops for hostage that my husband picked out (NO longer allowed)... and then fixed them myself.  I got so mad that I googled who owned the company and wrote him a letter.  I got a call the next day.
3.  I also realize that XM radio struggles to pay Howard Stern.  To keep him busy, they allow him to train customer service people.  I called them to renew.  I got a Sirius Bitch.  I sucked it in to fate until I got a collection notice from the car I replaced with Betty.  I was so angry I cried because I had the sense to call and suspend the subscription because well, I totalled my Impala in my first accident .. ever..
4.  Yeah, I cried.  On-Star was there people.  XM never sent me anything, but I was assured they would take care of cancelling the old and registering the new... At 3 AM on a Sunday.. what I thought to be junk mail turned into Hells Bells if they are putting this bullshit on my credit.  I got six months free service and didn't care at that point.  They made me cry.
5. Afro Circus comes from Madagascar 3, which is like one of my favorite movies.. and we just went to the circus the other night...and that is me and mine in the picture.
6. The remark about the batcave.  Well, I had foot surgery.  I am about two months into wearing shoes and feet still hurt.  My cool room in the basement has been where everyone has dumped things that need to be put away somewhere and they have trouble with the whole follow through on cleaning.. its an occupational hazard.
7.  I have asthma.  I have allergies.  I carry an epipen.  I ate a benadryl just a hour ago.
8.  I need to superclean my man cave but the rest of the world cries out.
9.  I had a weekend of infamy. and the sheets are still warm.  Holy Mother of Pearl he brought home window blinds.
10.  Bam Bam Bam on the basement door is because well, I have a lock on my side (*GRIN*)
11.  He also knows I have Dr. Dre on my head and can't hear him
12.  It's our joke on the Dr. Seuss because a man on the way to the coffee pot at my house is a Beft that turns left...and left...and left...and the pot is on the left too.
13.  Terrible meant that I can't believe I decided to leave that picture sloppy, but I did.
14.  I had my cell phone in my pocket and it has an alarm.  It gave me reason to realize I must consider what to pull out of the closet and kitchen and make sure all homework was in order and out the door.
15.  Judy was very glad I opened the door so she could pee.
16.  About Apple.  How would you like if your optical drive disappeared?  Go back up to the part where I had to pay someone to come into my home and job search...
17.  Then the whole tip of the IT iceberg is the part where my husband thought he missed something in life.  ITs terrible to say, that if you missed it, obviously... you were meant to.

So This must end...


 

When Two Tables Cubes: Mathematical Chaos

OH Do tell right?  Have I come unhinged as of late?  Nope, not really.. in my estimation. [Then again I suck with numbers]  Good thing its not about numbers really.  Two tables refers to my turntables.  In thinking though, I am party to many tables in this house and I'm beginning to go bananas over the time spent in parley with each one.

Oh to just not have time to spin would be a luxury I would gladly brag about.  Right now though, I sit on one of my laptops.. carried down to the batcave... waiting for a *$#)(**Y) load of files to move over onto my external drive so I can wipe ANOTHER network drive and reformat #$*)%()#YT#) and $)(U)(%Y)(#*$ and then $()$%(*)#Q$ the damned thing.

Being IT really stinks the deeper I delve into it for personal pursuit of digital organization of old versions of everything under the sun.

Why did I begin to do this?  Five pound ten pound problem brought on by the steady progress of the Intergalactic media giants that lurk within the blessed Trinity of prongs I attach to my dwindling supply of outlets.  I know, I know, not all calamities have three prongs...and no one can theorize unforeseen customer service calls based on the plug.....since the advent of PORTs.  I wish I had not become a harbor for such nonsensical thinking.  I should chastise myself and think of the whole phone call crisis over my headphones and the three months and how it was a Jack.

Ya, da, da, Afro Circus.....

Terrible but that's us..the centering that is... but I'm being paged. Stay tuned for better quality...



Twotables, John & Nattie with Clown at Universoul Circus.

Furthermore, since I'm on an electronic rant, let's discuss Apple and Jacks... not the freaking cereal.  I wish I had my old iPod Classic, I had that thing for over five years, and had to tell it goodbye.  My wonderful husband bought me the exact same iPod.  That part is awesome.  The sucky part:  Its made out of cheap bullcrap.  I should scratch the back and see if I can read Budweiser on it or something.  Anyway, the plug in for the headphones only played one side.  I was going to take it to Best Buy or something, but location stopped that from occurring plus me remembering... so on to check out the price with Apple.  WHAT!?  I don't think so, you punks that want to tell me my music is only movable so many times....TO THE INTERNET...and what do you know... I have a screwed up plug-in for my headphones...the solution:  Kinda what my inner MacGyver wanted to do to begin with... stuff some aluminum foil in it.  After about ten different sites stating to do this...WHA>>LA>>  Fixed Ipod.  Dammit Apple, like I'd buy anything from you after this one.  I forgave you for having an update almost decide to eat the optical drive on my desktop.  I sentenced you to an external storage drive as well as a portable optical.... (long story filled with stupid people I actually paid)

I cringe.  Please Karma, still be good to me..

So ten minutes passed and I'm still moving crap with thirty minutes on that timer.  Ten minutes on the BAM BAM BAM of the basement door and Dr. Seuss questioning my presence down here.  Side note on down here.  This is supposed to be my cool room with my turntables and records and all that is awesome.  Its not batting 100 at the moment, since the coolest thing in here seems to be me at the moment and I think my bunny slippers just laughed at me (I'm sure I'll find a spider or something soon)... Plus I can't breathe down here... since the dust makes the Yeti upstairs seem pretty Kosher.

Kosher just knocked.  I will add to this in a bit.. the dog and I have to pee, and well Dr. Dre can't block that out..

 

Yuletide Boneparte: Forget the Hat and Big Maps, Plans Such as These Require Larger Screen

I'm sure if I hunted long enough, I'd be related to the crazy man who tried to take over the world and almost succeeded.

I've decided laptop searching in the comforts of my bedroom are too fluffy for this year.  I am in the cave.  Cracking my neck... getting out all the *($%&)_# crap magazines..plumbing the depths of my points, vouchers and values bucks.  Coinstar, I'm comin'... to pillage that extra ten dollars.  Bed and Bath beware my tirade of return angst of lost coupons... oh be kind.

Macy's my love, stay with me. It's going to bed rough seas.

Family realizes leave the beast be... especially after the eye twitch over the word FURBY.

ARE YOU MY GET??

Child that likes records?

FURBY?

Dust Yeti Eviction

I have a love hate relationship with my floors.  I have had hardwoods for less than a year, and pulling up the carpet was crucial to my existence...as I am allergic to just about everything but drugs.  Who knew?  $*()(# irony is not lost on me.  Anyway, I never knew just how much dust and hair accumulated on my floors until the invasion of the Yeti.  The Yeti date Dust Bunnies here and procreate to the point I second-guess whether or not I've been on my hands and knees that day in a sector of my home... for all the wrong reasons. (laugh)