I have become nimble in the art of tying things into knots. I'm teaching my daughter the art of friendship bracelet making. Upon looking through my craft hoard, I came across some black cord that gave me an idea to replace some missing belts from a few of my robes. So wow, I learned how to braid a five strand braid. Excellent belt for black robe. Nattie is wearing a blue dress this morning. Found a video on how to tie a bow using two fingers. Pretty impressive. Was looking at craft toys for Nattie. Found a gadget that braids cords. Cut my own stencil and used yarn to sport yet another braided creation that I'm pretty sure my daughter can master easily. Sounds pretty fidgety doesn't it? Why don't we throw in some felt pom-pom hair bows too...modified with a felt flower in the center and I made a sunflower. I think I'll attach that to a headband sometime.
All this knot tying has been fun, but I really wish sleep would prevail. I'm raging an inner argument with myself over values. It seems monumental to even unravel the mystery of mixed feelings and unease a dear friend triggers whenever we speak these days.
I cannot sit quietly. My friend violates the moral standards I hold near to my heart, and I realize the sensation as repugnance. Dislike. Anger. Hurt. Then bitterness..as I see the effects cascade into my life.. just because I am within range and sensitivity.
I cannot settle. Settling means loss of dreams and ideals. Sparks and creation die within the strangling hold of being less than I choose to be. This will hurt.
Whether we want to admit it or not, other people's lives affect us on some level. I cannot ignore how I feel. This person, just by association, makes the past crash into my now and Zen.
The more I listen to myself, the more I see the forest. I must fell a tree. It is obstructing growth.
What to say and what to do? Be myself. Breathe. Sleep will come when the dust settles. Who knows? Maybe the tree will grow back and surprise me.
Magic thinks.
Hopes.
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