My life seems to change gears and just when I think overdrive should be engaged, I have to slap it back into third and stretch my proverbial five foot two self out to brake.. all the while thinking in my head .. 'ramming speed'. TOWANDA just does not work these days. I would have a conniption fit if I rear ended someone in Betty. I am getting off subject though. I know my tangents reek of hypocracy at times; I will be honest. I have a ton of faults I strive to keep in check. (for example: I complain, I take things too literal, I need to listen closer, I am late for everything and don't answer the phone..)
So grounded in the reality of S.O.C.K.S really happens to be: IT IS WHAT IT IS, I preservere. In the spirt of that thought, I am sorting things out, and right now its a jumble of feelings that I have no order to find a starting point. I catch myself accomplishing nothing because I feel so smothered. Here goes a list that will gain a rolling momentum.. of sorts.
1. My daughter will be seven in a couple of weeks. Wow, I've got to get on the stick.
2. Tomorrow is Halloween and I have the cutest Goldfish to take trick-or-treating. What a cool costume, and I went all out this year, as I feel my grip slipping on having majority rule on clothing and 'little girl' things.
3. Speaking of little girl things: Vamp/Goth used to be a phenomenon of self expression ruled by anything but fashion and a mother could not just go to Wal-Mart and find a whole outfit .. for herself and her single digit aged child. I'd like to smack the idiots that want to advertise slut suits for Halloween.
4. Following that thought I think about the movie High School Musical having clothing out in a 3T. When Grandma brought that shirt home, I promptly tossed it. Seriously?
5. OK. Twitlet. Twilight. NOT A KID book.
6. My daughter unrolled capri pants and wore them with boots today. My husband thought they looked fine.
7. Same daughter is against socks.
8. OEHOIEFOIFENBEFIUEYEG*&#$Y she will wear them .
9. I have the song Afro Circus running through my mind from Madagascar 3... and upon thinking about it... that's about the theme for some of the clothing choices my kid makes.. and I have to keep a straight face.
10. My cousin left me a message that she has been clean since October 7th.
11. So another friend gets out of jail in a couple of weeks.
12. Another friend got mad she had to pick up her kids early on Sunday because it ruined her only day to do something. Something being go to the bar up the street. I am not knocking the bar concept. Let's get that straight. It's just drinking costs a bunch, and Stokesdale does not buy that much liquor out of chivalry. Oh don't go down the drain with this statement either. A few things go through my head.. but I'm allowed... to speculate. She's convinced I have swallowed the idea she fell off a turnip truck three days ago. I only think when she fell.. it was under a wheel. The thing is, I really don't give a fig about whether or not she's got a good history.. I like her for who she is and what I know .. That said, I copiously smile and listen to the comments about this guy and that and he bought this, blah .. blah.. (I am insecure, and want to feel sexier and the way I do that is to stomp on an ego I believe you have).. whanka.. The thing is, a few years ago, this compensation technique would have gotten the desired effect of crushing my vanity and making me a hater, but these days, I am more offended that my friend can't read me well enough to see how pointless it is. It makes me sad that life gets people down like this.
13. OK, get off soap box because it sounds like I am on one, the real point is why go and drink when finances are so tight? Why laughingly tell me how toasted you were and then how you fought with your husband. Two drunks don't make a right.
14. Then there is the bar itself. The floor is chipboard. I have been one time, and mopped a guy all over the floor within ten minutes. And what? No ice?
15. So we have a difference of lifestyle. If my Sunday consisted of watching the race at the bar.. I'd rather take a pack of M&Ms and a flask into the bathroom. Then I could drink good alcohol, throw M&Ms in the toilet and watch them go round in circles. Then I could go out and take over some other numbing activity like scrapbooking.
16. Customer service = Good luck with that.
17. My sister called to wish me a Happy Halloween. Again with the acid tongue. I am so glad I have not spoken to her because eventually I am going to have a bad day and be emotional. Unfortunately, when we hang up the phone because she has to 'hop off' to avoid anything personal, I will be halfway to Thomasville. I feel so volatile. I'm tired of being written off.
18. So I wished I didn't find an envelope with Gma's name and body farm on it. It gives me nightmares about my sister. Plus I had to work with cadavers in college.
19. I want to redo the house, and this hesitation thing I've got going on sucks balls.
Well, that's it for the moment, more to come later.
Oh one final thing, I am very grateful for the person that sent me the positive email about this blog. It made my day. Happy fluffy cloud heart feelings for you.
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